Past re-visited

Behind everyone back there is a story. Behind every story there will always be tears and joy. After some time you will realise that you can’t go back to the past. All you can do is to write it down and keep it safe. People come and people go from your life. You can’t do anything to make them stay. After living so long you realise that when you feel tired you need to take a pit stop and recall all those past experience to find some strength. After all you are just a human not God. For the past 2 days I have re-vistd my past.

Secondary school days
2 years has past. It seems only yesterday when I spend my whole day in secondary school mugging hard for my O levels. Just now as I log into facebook I realise that I had contact with my secondary school friend. Closes ones and not so close one. And I found some of my secondary school days pictures. When is the last time when we have to avoid the DM just because our attire is not right ? When is the last time when you don’t go to school your form teacher will call you up ? When is the last time when you have to wake up at 6am to prepare for school ? Stand and deliver, In-touch and folk dancing. The list can just simply go on and on and on. Those were the times when we cry and we laugh. Finding creative ways to hide our handphone from spot checks. And we will always find lame reasons for our action. For instance, finding ways to hide our handphone. Answer, because WWSS wants us to promote creativity.

Church 
5 years has past. During this period I face a lot of ups and down with my walk with God. Times when I remember crying in his presence. Under difference leaders has taught me so much. Their guidance and encouragement made me to who am I today. I feel upset when I can’t meet my expectation. Through out this 5 years I have learnt that God is always by my side. Those times when I cry out to God and ask for a release . I have a personal experience with Him. And I long to share this out. Guiding different people in my life. Learning how to deal with my past and turn my past into a source of encouragement to others. Lately I have thought, shall I give up my ministry. Maybe being in usher is not for me. Have been thinking a lot and at the same time I did not serve in the ministry for 1 month plus. Finding all sort of excuses. I feel bad for not being accountable towards my leader. Some times I wish some one can guide me out. So eventually I purposely attend JW service. I want to go back to the place where I promise God that I will serve him for the rest of my life. I feel safe once again. And while praying I feel that I need to share this with one person. And I did. At least there is someone out there to advise me. And slowly I realise that I all along have been helping people out serving God. Being on duty is just a term to describe. All along I’m “on duty”. I have found my purpose and vision back again. No more running wild, back to my logistic area. I have decided to go back and start serving once again from this week.

ITE
Soon I’m going to end my education in ITE. 2 years spent in ITE. It has been a very memorable period for me. Get to know a few great friends over there. Did not really spend much time with them other than eating lunch together. Projects and presentation is once a nightmare for me. For those classmate who saw me present before, they know that I can present really well. But how to do a proper presentation slide and things like that is a learning process for me. Everyday is a learning process. That’s what I always believe in. And always, I will believe in that.

Work/Attachment
I went back to Pully ascent to work last year for 3 weeks. The who environment has change and to say the truth I really miss the past working environment. But change is unavoidable in life. And from that time onwards I realise that desk bound job is not for me. I love to run around and I love to expose myself to new things. The next chapter in my life is my attachment. Working at Prima is a brand new experience for me. I love the environment over there. Learnt a great deal over there. 3 months seems to be so short for me to enjoy myself. But I did my best and have no regrets. Just yesterday I went back to visit them. Back to my cheerful self. That is the environment where I feel comfortable. Chit chat with them for a while before I leave. Still the same people creaking the same joke. I pray that in future when I step into the working world it will be the same like there in production area.

All these is my past. And they are my source of strength.

Year end entry

Year 2009 is coming towards the end. As per usual I’m going to post my entry here. A reflection ? Maybe.

Family
For the past one year ut has been a difficult time for my family. We have been through ups and downs together. Dad started to work as a cab driver. One more means of income to my family. Another major change in my family is having a new maid at home to help us out. She yet to arrive as currently there isn’t any air ticket for her to fly over but according to my agent latest by 4th Jan 2010 she will be joining us in this family. The process to engage a maid is really long and hard thank God he open way upon ways for us. With a maid at home it definitely going to help us in a great way. And I pray that this maid will be a good one.

Studies
Entered into my last year of ITE life. Well what can you expect from my school life ? There are defiantly challenges I have to face by the grace of God I have overcome it. A process for me to learn. I think the major thing about my school life is my attachment. If you hae been following my blog you might know that I have been a “working adult” for the past 4 months. I had been posted to Prima RND production. Something new and never did I know this is going to change my point of view towards production. Thank God for placing a good supervisor above me. Alway there to guide me and take all my craziness. Not only that good friends is always there to brighten my day up. I don’t remember enjoying work so much like now. Enjoying every single day of working life. But at the same time I had been expose to different things in working world. In the past I always thought that I’m ready to step into the working world. But the actual truth is I’m not ready. Attachment is ending soon. In fact 4 more days before I leave Prima. I know that Wayne won’t read this still I wanna thank him for being such a good supervisor. In my whole life  never seen such a patient and tolerant supervisor and Wayne is the first one. He help me survive my 3 months at Prima. Apart from him there is a few others I would like to thank but the list is really too long. So I shall do something special for them on my last day. Thank you Prima for opening up my eyes to the working world. In future maybe I might want to go back and work. Till now I’m still unsure what to do.

Relationship
I’m still single and available. Friends around me is all attached. I always want a guy to care and love me just the way I’m. For sure I don’t believe in changing for guy. My personal belief is that if the guy really love you he will accept who you are. Of course you must be presentable. There is one point in my life I asked God why every one around me is attached but not me ? Some times I find hard to place my faith in God cause whatever I want God did not give it to me. To me placing my faith in him is like playing a guessing game with him. It is hard to keep believing in him. I almost give up. God did not give up on me. There in once Pst. Kong lay hands on me and God told me the reason. My walk with God is not solid yet once in the while I do waver. How can I handle both my ministry and relationship ? It seems that God want me to take one step at a time. The most basic is to build up a strong foundation in Him. When the time come I believe that God will show me my Mr. right.

Spiritual
The first half a year my walk with God is a smooth sailing ride until my second half of the year. Stepping out from my comfort zone. Found my destiny in God and my calling. receive revelation upon revelation from God. And that is the thing that kept me going. One experience I remember very clearly is my time spent in BLTC. Those were the time when I encounter God like never before. That is when I know that the God that I choose to believe is real. The God I know is Faithful and true. No matter what I will still try my very best to stay close to God and eventually fulfill my calling here on earth.

Ministry
Slowly I begin to discover my calling. Something I yet to share with my leaders still a little unsure. As for now is still now the time to share with my leader. Another major changes I have face is transferring from group 12 to group 2. This is a difficult process for me as I’m very close to group 12. To leave them is a torturing process for me. Going to Expo is another challenge to me. A new environment for me. To me I have to start all over again. From the be gaining. I have to learn how to open up to new people and work with different leaders. Till now I’m still in the mist of adopting. I’m not sure when am I ready to hold a set in Expo but when my leader feel that it is time for me I will. Something I don’t desire yet it is a challenge for me to conquer. Before this could happen I need to overcome my own personal issues first. It may be soon may not be so soon. Who know’s ?

Future
My plan is to complete my studies first before going into the working world. IN terms of spiritual life I’m going to get my life in order with God once again. That include prayer and fasting. Time to get it right with God. I don’t wish to start my year with God in such a weak manner.

Towards the end

Have a sudden urge to blog. And I tell myself that this post is going to be a short want cause the time now is 2.50AM and I need to reach school by 9AM later. Looking through G12 blog I realise that I have left this team for almost 1/2 year. To my surprise I have served in Expo for 5 months already. Wow. Time will never wait for you. How true is that. Too many things has happen this year and I’m not going to blog about it now. As I approach 2010 I realise that my time in Prima is coming to the end soon. I asked myself this question, what hae I reap from this short attachment experience ? And I can only arrive one single answer. Friendship. Simple word yet powerful meaning. I would say that i my entire working life non of them is like this. Everyday you just simply enjoying yourself at work. But not totally. The reason why I stay up late till now is because of SOP. Faint ! A year-end entry. Tat’s what I own this website and I promise I will post it before 31 Dec 2009. As of now, time to sleep. Good night

My personally report

Your Personality Style Preview:

Christina is an optimistic individual. She is the type of person who loves exploring new places or things and a wide variety of experiences. She tends to display a natural charisma that draws others to her charm. Christina is a very encouraging person; others are drawn to her because they find her inspirational.

A loyal friend, Christina is patient and caring when attending to the needs of others. She is usually an even-paced individual who thrives in a peaceful, harmonious environment. She tends to be quite predictable, sticking with proven, reliable methods of dealing with situations rather than taking chances with a new, unproven approach.

Christina prefers to work through problems by analyzing things that worked in the past. She is willing to follow another person’s lead if they display adequate ability and if Christina has confidence in their ability. She is someone who is able to lead, if necessary; but usually prefers to wait and see if another person volunteers first.

Not afraid to take a bold approach, Christina is willing to challenge the status quo. She is original and creative, and acts with confidence when implementing new solutions. Christina will tend to use a balance of intuition and facts when making decisions, and once she has made a decision, she will not be afraid to take action upon it.

Working ? Attachment ?

Here to blog about my life at Prima so far. So far my attachment has been really good. I think I have been blogging over and over again about this, I love to work now. How I wish time passes by slowly bit by bit. Any way life still move on. Soon I will be stepping into the working world soon. Yes, I’m going to work at least for the next one year before I start my education again. I need a break to explore the working world. But I always find a struggle to balance up both working and spiritual life. It seems that I have been enjoying work so much till I almost “hate” weekend. Anyway to me my weekend means “work” for me too. I hardly stay at home now days. Only for that few hours to bathe, rest and sleep. Sounds like hotel right ? But it seems that work can give me so much more satisfaction and joy. But all this is given by God. Still I believe that God has made his arrangement for me. Although I may be tired but still I will serve my lord and king. Maybe this period is a time for me to adopt and learn how to struck a balance in between. God, please help me in between this transition.

I love ….

So far I have been in Prima for 1 month. WOW !! Time files. It seems that the past 1 month I have been enjoying work so much even though the work is boring but I just simply love the environment. And now I have been looking forward to work every day. Needless to say, my chinese has improve over the times. Coming up next is to complete my SOP and 2 presentation out of wish one I have to present in chinese. Quite challenging but I guess I’m able to make it. I can never be an office lady but I can be a lady who work in multiple area. I love to work

Protected: Love

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It has been a few months since my CG move over to Expo. Off and on I blog about my duty reflections on my blog. So far I have been adopting well into Expo environment. Everything have to start all over again not only in my ministry but also within my CG. There are pros and cons about moving to Expo. For the pros is traveling time has been reduce and I can spend more time with my CG since in Expo I’m serving alternate week. And needless to say I can spend more time with my family. But I really miss JW people. I miss those times when we “chui” together. Group 2 people was really great, they really try their best to make me feel welcome. And I really feel welcome. And slowly I began to enjoy serving once again. But some times I feel that I can do better in Expo. But I just don’t understand why I just simply can’t meet my own expectation. Maybe I just need to learn how to handle disappointment. Jia you bah Li zhi !

Am I on the right track ?

Again one week as past as usual. I did something different some thing different for the past one week. As I have mention I can’t believe that I love to work. At least I have some thing to kill my time. But at the same time I feel so tired and no longer have the strength to move on in the spiritual ramp. But God is good, he did not give up on me. Or maybe he knows that I have experience him before and I know that He is real that’s why I didn’t leave his presence. At times when I feel like giving up God will always remind me on my first experience I had with him. And that experience became a source of strength for me. I want to become a better person yet in order to become a better person the first thing I have to do is to go through different situation. I always find hard to adopt to a total new things or maybe I’m used to old things. It’s not easy for me to let go and allow God to take charge of my life, in fact it is really hard cause for the past 19 years I had a mindset that I can control my fate. But after 19 years then I realise that that’s not true, I’m where I’m is because God had given me the chance to try out different things. But some times I face disappointment. I hate myself for not being able to meet my expectation. I just don’t understand why and I will tend to be emo one side. Some thing bad I need to change bit by bit. But can I complete my purpose on earth ? I feel that I’m too weak to do so. God please help me.

Back to something real today, service duty. Took the same position as last duty but I feel that I can do so much better.   In the past I can handle bigger zone and I can run why can I do the same thing now ? Why why why why ?????? Sigh ! God am I on the right track ?

Updates

This past one week I have been working as usual. But one thing I can’t believe, I begin to fell in love with my current work. It may be boring and tiring but yet with a bunch of fun people around me I won’t feel bored at all. Not only that, as time passes by I realise that they are a bunch of fun people to hang out with. I no longer drag myself to work but now I’m looking forward to work. I’m just happy. Any way some special things happen today. I just don’t understand why. OK, this is what happen. There is a loan shark pour paint on my door step. And how will they forget about they chance to “decorate” the well. But the funny thing is this, on the well it is written “O$P$ #03-52 HP no” and my unit number is #03-48. See the difference ? So made a police report and the police recorded my statement. I just don’t understand, can’t they see clearly my unit number. Sigh !